When you thought everything is under control…

I have just completed a whole entry specifically on what happened last night. And after venting out, I deleted everything and decided to just keep everything to myself.

I’ve always been an open book. Even Joper said I can’t keep my own secret to myself. But for some reasons, this time, I just don’t think its a good idea if I’ll have my thoughts published.

Sometimes, its just so hard to tell anybody what you feel and make them understand the intensity like the way you actually feel it. Everybody thinks I’m a big drama queen. That I make my own miseries. That I always look for complications to spice up my life. It is as if I don’t have the rights to feel hurt or depressed. And I’ve always convinced myself that they are right…

Sigh… I really don’t feel like talking to anyone now. It’s even harder to say it in writing. Not even here… For once, I want to be alone…

pause

I want a loooooong break… a few days outside the city. This new job has taken a lot from me. I even have to send Sophie to her lola so someone can look after her. Sigh…. time is one of the hardest thing to manage.

mirror… mirror…

I wonder… does one become too insecure of another because that other is TOO damn perfect or is it because one is not happy about herself.

checklist

About 3 months from now and its another year for us. 2009…. Yesterday, I saw this old blog entry I had which listed my goals for this year. Here it is..

Here’s some of my goals for 2008.

· Lose weight!

· Career change

· 3^rd anniversary celebration in….

· Bring Sophie to Baguio.

· Pay-off one of my credit cards

· Sophie’s 3^rd birthday party

· New Budget scheme

· Use an actual organizer!

· Open a bank account under Sophie’s name

Lose weight? Ok….. hmmmm… hehehe…. NO comment. Pay-off one of my cards, that’s my plan using my 13th month. New budget scheme? I guess we’ll try that out by next year instead. Open a bank account under Sophie’s name… I almost forgot this. This shouldn’t be hard.

pursuit of happYness

This morning while I was having breakfast, I watched this movie of more than an hour full of misfortunes and disheartening events but ended with about 5 minutes of real happiness. Me being the real “drama queen” of course sob in tears again! I know I can relate now even more since I know how hard it is to see your child being deprived of a lot of things. I admire the main character’s determination and strength to go through that tiny hole. It may appear in the movie that what really brings happiness is MONEY. Well if you look at it, the lack of it really gets you to a lot of troubles. However if you dig deeper, there’s so much that you’ll learn from the movie. I love how Will Smith fought for his son…. how he tried to keep his sanity! And what’s really relevant to me now, is the part when he told his son to never listen to anyone who says that YOU CAN’T DO IT. I have been contemplating for years now about my career having no directions at all. And finally… last Wednesday, God answered my prayers. I got promoted. Although a lot of people say that I well deserved it, you know that there are still some who feels otherwise.But I am not listening to them.

No, not this time.

finally!

I have been bugging Pet for this account so I can start publishing my thoughts again and finally it happened! yay!

Although it isn’t really a great start. I’m sick and I don’t feel so good both in physical and emotional aspect. I have been sick for 2 days now. And again… I’m bothered with my career going nowhere! I was given some points to consider by a really special friend and in way that helped me a lot. So slowly…. im following his advice. I’m kindda starting to really believe that you can’t have a good career along with a good romantic relationship! hehehe… lame excuse. =P

Well… I’m hoping for a fresh start! Let us see what happens… you’re definitely going to be a witness. I promise…  

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